Alone
by hersheygal
Summary: He hated the way they all looked at him. As if they knew what he was going through. Even Kate didn’t understand. Ben was right, he had no one. Post Finale. Drug and alcohol use and thoughts of suicide.


Alone

Kate was beautiful. She had always been beautiful no matter what. If she had been crying, sick, or angry, Jack had always found her to be beautiful. And now, hair straightened, and makeup accentuating her face, Jack wanted to tell her that he loved her, over and over, but it wasn't the time, or place. She wouldn't understand. He saw the way she looked at him, it was just like the other doctor at the hospital. He hated it.

And before he knew it, she was gone, driving away. He had scared her. He, the supposed hero, had scared her. And now what was left? He slowly got back into his car and pulled out one of the packets of Oxycodon. He was almost out.

Maybe he could end it, end it all. He had tried several times, but something had always stopped him. It was like he wasn't meant to die, not yet. All he wanted was to get back to that island. That island that he had so desperately wanted to get off of. No one would miss him, it didn't matter if he died or not.

Jack found that he was driving aimlessly around town. He didn't care where he went, as long as he kept moving. Anything to take away the pain.

He didn't even remember how it had started. Getting off the island, talking to the news crew, kissing Kate, it was all a blur to him. All he knew was that he was like this now, and the only way to stop it was to go back.

* * *

Jack awoke to fierce knocking on his door.

"Jack Shephard if you don't open this door I will break it down!"

Jack groaned and opened his eyes. He was sprawled out across the floor of his apartment. His filthy apartment.

"Ok, I'm coming!" Jack yelled back, and slowly stood up, fighting the urge to lay down again. He knew the feeling all too well. He'd probably drank the night before, and the combination of that and the drugs wasn't a good thing.

Jack opened the door and Claire burst through the door.

"You told me you were fine!" Claire accused Jack, glaring at him.

"What?" Jack closed the door and sat down on the only chair in the room.

"What's happened to you?"

"Nothing."

"You're a doctor! Why are you living here? Why is this place like this?"

"I don't know."

Claire started cleaning the place up, throwing beer cans away in disgust. "I brought you some things."

"I don't need anything from you Claire. I'm fine."

"No you're not." Claire pulled a razor out of the plastic bag she had brought. "Have you looked at yourself? When was the last time you took a shower?"

"No one cares so why should I?"

"I care! And Kate cares."

Jack's head shot up at the mention of Kate.

"Yeah Jack. Kate called me. I had to drop off Aaron at her house because I didn't want your nephew to see you this way."

Jack's head dropped back down again in shame.

"What's wrong Jack?"

"We need to go back." Jack muttered softly.

"What?"

"The island, we weren't supposed to leave."

"Don't say that Jack. If we weren't supposed to leave then Charlie died for nothing, and I can't live with that." Claire stopped cleaning and looked straight at Jack. "Are you going to tell me that Charlie died for nothing?"

Jack looked up at Claire with tears in his eyes. "Yeah."

Claire stared at him in shock. "You're disgusting. Take the razor, and go get in the shower. I don't want you to come out of the bathroom until you're presentable again."

Jack complied and walked over to the bathroom, stopping in front of the door. "Claire, tell me something. Is Kate happy?"

"What?"

"Is she content with everything?"

"You should ask her that. You've put a damper on her life, calling her in the middle of the night, drunk and dirty. You scared her."

"Yeah I know."

"Then why did you do it?"

"I miss her."

"And she misses you. Not this Jack, but the old Jack. The one that risked his life for us, the one that got us rescued."

"He's gone." Jack swallowed hard, closing the bathroom door behind him.

Claire sighed and leaned up against the bathroom door, fighting tears. "We all love you Jack, no matter what you do."

"You don't understand." Jack stood in front of the mirror, realizing how horrible he looked.

"You've gotta stop shutting us out. Maybe.."Claire trailed off. "Maybe you should see someone."

Jack pulled the razor off his face, ignoring the lone tear falling. "I'm not crazy Claire."

"I never said that."

"You implied it. You all think I'm crazy don't you?"

There was no answer, and Jack nodded at himself. He was alone, and that was never going to change.


End file.
